2004-12-01 - 9:16 a.m. In reference to what I wrote yesterday� I cannot really say why I have my suspicions. I mean, in thinking about it all last night (and also having a conversation with B, directly related but not directly addressing this potential issue) I came to the conclusion that he has not yet done anything. This is good. Having said that I do believe he is doing stuff on the internet (not cyber or webcam stuff) like posting his pic or what not. I think he is doing it because he feels so low about himself right now that he is looking for validation. I don�t know. I mean I understand that feeling. I love feeling attractive to someone other than B. I am also attracted to other men than B (as Blanche says �many�many men�). I understand it but I am not necessarily happy about the way he is/might be doing this. I just want him to be honest with me so I can cope with it properly. If he seriously wants to sleep with someone else I feel I should know this so that I can decide what I want to do. I love him. He is a part of me and I don�t want to live my life without him (even though sometimes I fantasize about that!). Then again I hate cheating. HATE it. It has just never been an acceptable thing to me. I can make allowances for many things (as have allowances been made for me) but that�I don�t know�I just don�t think I could. � �